A recent edition of Dan Reiland’s Pastors Coach dealt with the importance of influnce – it was so outstanding/thought-provoking I wanted to make sure that I passed it on:
If you are a parent you care who your kids hang out with. My son and daughter are both in college and I still care about who their friends are as much as I did when they were in High School. The reason the value of association never diminishes is influence. Who is influencing your kids? How are they being influenced? As a parent you really care. As a “kid” you are profoundly impacted.
As a leader you really care about the big idea of influence. Influence is the very epicenter of leadership. When you have it, you have the opportunity to make things happen. When you begin to lose it, your leadership becomes ineffective. Lose enough influence and, game over.
It’s been interesting to observe Mr. Obama rise into his role as president and what has taken place since his election. These are not political comments, just leadership observations. President Obama gained huge influence as other candidates lost theirs. He dug in hard and campaigned well. He’s a good communicator and enough people wanted a change. Now that he’s been president for about a year and the economy is remains unstable, the honeymoon is over he is no longer gaining influence. As The President has pressed for his Health Care reform, he has received considerable resistance. He is losing some influence. It is apparent that the American people understand that Health Care reform is needed. Opinion polls would support that the insurance companies shouldn’t be running medicine, but a large percentage of the people don’t want the government to run health care either. I will stop here to avoid rendering an opinion. Again, my purpose is to give a picture of gaining and losing influence.
Influence is like momentum. When you have it, you accomplish amazing things. When you don’t have influence, it’s difficult to make anything happen. In this two part series on influence I’ll share some thoughts on losing and gaining influence. Let’s start with losing it!
Losing Influence
Everyone has some influence, it’s what you do with it that determines whether or not you increase it or lose it. I’ve officiated a lot of weddings over the years. It’s common for a new husband to have a large amount of influence the first day of the marriage. It is equally common for him to have lost a bunch of that influence by day two! There is a little smile factor here, but unfortunately a little too much truth as well. So what did he do to fall out of favor so fast? How can a guy lose so much influence in such a short amount of time? Whether you are a new husband, pastor, businessperson, politician, teacher, parent, or a foreman on a job site, you can and will gain and lose influence.
It’s common for a new pastor or church leader to show up with a significant amount of influence on day one. To a large degree you have been loaned this influence to get started. John Maxwell calls this level one or positional leadership. It’s a good place to start, but you can’t keep leading if you stay there. Smart leaders immediately begin to invest in establishing and building relationships, and they are off and running. Others seem to struggle and lose influence. This can happen quickly or take months, even a year or two. The following are the most common causes for loss of influence among pastoral leaders.
1) Fail to listen
People have a sense of how much you care by your willingness to listen. This isn’t the only way to show you care, but it’s a big one. In the age of Facebook, Twitter, Email and Texting, there is a huge amount of talking but very little listening. I’m referring to the eye to eye and soul to soul kind of listening. Listening is a gift you give to others and it’s not complicated. Step 1. Stop talking. Step 2. Start listening. Any leader can listen. Sometimes giving someone your undivided attention for just a few minutes is all it takes. Fail to do this and your influence will fall.
2) Lead from insecurity
Insecure leaders are ineffective at best and can be dangerous. Insecure leaders are worried about what others think. They want to be liked more than they want to cause change. That’s where it gets complicated. They do want change. They want the Kingdom to move forward, but not if it rocks the boat too much. This tension causes leadership energy to be diverted into managing unproductive relationships rather than praying for God’s vision and then leading the people in that vision. If you are an insecure leader, prone to caving into pressure, your influence will decrease. You can begin to turn that around by hearing from God and caring more about what He thinks (about you and the church) than others.
3) Hesitate to make tough decisions
I’ve never awakened in the morning and looked forward to firing someone. In fact, it’s at the top of my list of things I never want to do. But on rare occasion, it is necessary. Letting someone go is always a tough decision, even when a mature, behind closed doors, agreement is made. Failure to make a decision like that hurts the organization and lessens your influence. If you find yourself in the position where everyone sees the issue but you won’t act on it, your leadership will suffer. There are many tough decisions you must make as a leader. They require prayer, wise counsel, and reflection. But in the end, you must make a decision. It may not be popular, but it’s time. You may have a tough decision before you right now. Don’t put it off. You probably know the right thing to do. Do it and your influence will increase. Procrastinate or avoid it altogether and you will lose influence.
4) Fail to solve problems
There is a difference between a tension to be managed and a problem to be solved. As a leader you will get in trouble when you try to solve a tension or manage a problem. There are some tensions in ministry that will never go away, that’s part of life and leadership. But problems are meant to be solved. As a leader you are among the chief problem solvers. You do this in one of two ways, either empower and delegate so other competent people can solve the problem, or you solve it yourself. Failure to do so guarantees to diminish your influence.
5) Work in ministry not on it
This one isn’t as blatant, and never feels as urgent as some of the things already mentioned. This is a slow-burn, long haul issue. In fact you can get away with this for months, even a couple years. But eventually working only in your ministry and not on it will take its toll. You, like all of us, are under pressure to make things happen and get things done. But it’s important to take time to pull away and improve your craft. Learn new methods and better ways of doing ministry. I don’t mean the latest fad or something that doesn’t fit the culture of your church, but a needed change or improvement that will help your church become healthy and grow. Working only in the midst of daily ministry will, over the long haul, reduce your leadership influence.
6) Fail to think
I love asking pastors and church leaders this simple question. “When do you think?” The most common response is “All the time.” That’s just not true, no leader thinks all the time and some leaders rarely think. I’m talking about setting aside time to think and strategize with pen (or laptop) in hand. I don’t believe anyone can do critical thinking if they don’t write something down as a result. You set aside time to pray, play with your family, exercise and a number of other things. You need time to think. Mark it down, and do it, or lose influence as a leader.
7) Break trust
This is a serious violation that might cause irreversible damage to your leadership. God will forgive you and people can forgive you but there are consequences that are difficult to erase. We don’t need to cover things such as an extra-marital affair or stealing. These are obvious. I’m referring to things of general integrity like keeping your promises, not using manipulation to move people, and not taking advantage of your authority. As leaders we have a precious trust with the people we lead, break it, and influence is all but over. This can happen slowly over time and sometimes overnight. It’s not something to fear or be paranoid about. If you will live according to the Holy Spirit’s promptings, God’s Word, and the counsel of wise and trusted colleagues, you will do well.
Part 1 has focused on how a leader loses influence. My purpose has not been to overwhelm you but more so to give you an opportunity to reflect on your own leadership and possible areas where you might lose influence. Ultimately the goal is to help you increase your influence so you become a more effective leader.
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